I'm Through

I'm always tired now. No matter how much sleep I get, I'm always low functioning. I have a ghost of a life. I have no close friends within reach anymore. I have most in Sioux City, a few down around Ames and Des Moines, and one way over in Colorado. Other people try to be my close friends, but they've dropped the ball so many times I just stop trying. I don't trust easily, and once that trust is lost I'll never trust you the same way again. That includes reading this blog and thinking you know what I think and feel, and then telling someone things about how I feel... and you're so far off the mark it's not even funny. That's right, I know who you are and what you did.

I hit a deer yesterday. Completely tore up the front portion of my van... which is now most likely totaled. I mean I'm 99.99% sure it's dead. Then in the same day, I find out my aunt was in a head on collision and died. I haven't seen her in years... and the reason why sickens me.

Casey's

Now to be fair, it's also kind of her fault when she injured herself and couldn't make it to the most recent family reunion (the one I actually got time off to attend). But the one last year? I just took over my store and didn't feel it was appropriate to go on vacation so suddenly. The two family weddings we had the year before that? "Oh sorry Luke, these two employees walked out and we just fired your girlfriend, and you're the only other one who knows how to make donuts besides me, and I can't work because I'm salary." (side note, I would NEVER do this to one of my employees). The family holiday celebration the year before that? "Oh sorry Luke, this employee already asked for that day off and even though I have twice the employees I should and you're only part time right now, I can't have two employees ask for the same day off, and just to make sure, I'll make you work while four other employees don't work the same period you wanted off... and are begging for hours" That is until I asked them.

I've sold my soul to the devil. I gave up things I loved and cherished for this company... and now I want them back. How am I repayed for these sacrifices? Them doing exactly what they promised me they wouldn't. I'm now hearing from the city that they bought the cow palace and are planning a new Casey's there. I see the writing on the wall. They're about to stab me in the back. Well now... before I was simply keeping an ear out for new business opportunities... starting today I am actively looking. I have a town with people who know me for me, who understand what you've done to me. We are fucking people, not some pawns in your little game of corporate chess.

I'm seeing a change in myself. I can go one of two ways. I'll either take the cold hearted, evil approach (which will not spell well for my staff) or I will tke the approach of running away from this company and getting my life and soul back. Which one do you think I'll take? I'll give you a hint, as long as I'm with Casey's... things are not going to be bright...

Life is too short to live like this. Too many times I've tried to help everyone else, and it never work for me. I'm sick of burning my soul for people who only want to watch me burn. I am done with it. I'm done handing my fragile heart to women with butterfingers. I'm sick of always being there for people who are never there for me.

Fuck you all.