The Universe

This one is going to be horribly unstructured... which coming from me says a lot.

As we approach black Friday, I ask that we keep a few things in mind that we forget so often. I want us to remember that each person there, customer or cashier, is a human being. They have laughed, they have cried. Many have loved, many have lost. They each have their own hopes and dreams, fears and regrets. I've noticed that people who never have anything mean to say will go ballistic on employees of stores they go to. Why? Because people think employees who work in customer service can't do anything about it. It's a power thing. They make demands or have little demeaning comments about these poor employees because if the employee stands up for themselves, they will have angered a customer and will get fired. This mentality is basically like running a foot race against someone in a coma, you do it because you know you'll win.

Lately an old adversary has come back in to my life. He was kind of a rival for the affections of a woman I used to date, but he threw away his chance and since that day, we've been at odds. The stupid thing about the whole situation is that I'm not even with her anymore. I wondered if he recognized me, or if the drugs had completely rotted his brain, but I'm beginning to think he does. He seems to delight in dropping in and trying to cause some kind of chaos in my store. Last time he came in talking to the person he was with about his ex... I apparently have more willpower than I realized... in fact, if she and I were still dating, I'd have lost it. Whether or not he recognizes me, he seems to delight in bringing hell into my store... just don't fuck with my staff... it won't end well for you.

People like this deserve a special place in hell. They fail to see other people as... well... people. They judge those around them, yet do not know their story at all. Hell some people think I'm some kind of stupid idiot because I don't have a bachelor's. Ummm... for that logic to work out, You'd basically have to say you were simply adequate. Nothing special there. Moron. But we only see our own little insignificant world. We don't see the meta picture. We don't see how our lives collide and intersect with one another. Random occurrences that save lives. In the last year I've been blessed with apparently twice saving someone. One time, it was a mistaken phone number, and through texts, I managed to make someone feel worthwhile enough to live on for a little while longer. Another time I had a customer come up and tell me something truly remarkable.

I pride myself in knowing my customers. My dedicated regulars are some of the only social interaction I get. I love seeing most of them. I take a great deal of pride in having their brand of cigarette or can of chew sitting next to my register before they get to me. I had one come in and told me that she had just received a promotion at her new job after only having been there for 9 months and it was because of me. When I asked what she was talking about she told me this: About a year ago, she was not doing well. Her fiance had been cheating on her, she had gotten fired, and a string of bad luck made her feel invisible. Then she came in for some much needed cigarettes and I had her brand ready for her. She said when she asked me how I knew, I told her that she's my customer and that made it important. So she refused to give up and didn't move in with her parents, and now things look up.

We don't realize how big or small our impact may be on someone. Encounters I've had with people the past few days and the loss of 4 people in my life (I'm sure many of you are aware of some of them), plus this recent news of a local death that really hits hard after all this... It's made me reevaluate who I am. I've been exercising regularly, and I've done pretty good. I have tried to give up energy drinks (although I did have a relapse this weekend, SORRY). I have been altering my image, getting more professional clothes, a hair cut, and I'll probably bring back the clean shaven look. I got a new coat this weekend. It's a much dressier coat than my old leather one... and I just feel empowered when I wear it. I feel like I matter. I'm working hard to move in to my house mainly so I can come home to my cats again. People wonder why I'm so fond of those three little hair balls, well... despite almost all of my friendships failing, Nearly all my romances ending with betrayal, it's nice to have something there that you know enjoys you being there all the time, every time. I've started reading my philosophy and ethics books again. Started reading my church history and studies on the Bible again. I have brought out my old music books and started analyzing them, Even started writing a little music again. Heck, I've also looked through my old physics books. Why am I doing these things?

I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. People say I'm doing this to increase my odds of meeting someone. Hey if that happens, cool bonus, but the fact of the matter is, I want to matter more to myself. I sold my soul to Casey's. I want it back and I'm not settling until I've won it back and made it the best.

I am but a lone speck in the universe, but I will be the best speck I can!