This past week was awful. Between the deer and my aunt dying and then a bunch of shit happening at work, I was done. I was even planning on getting completely hammered Friday night. However... I didn't. Drinking isn't me anymore... it really wasn't me before. I wound up just taking a nap and then doing some drawing and talked to some friends. I am also very glad I didn't drink any alcohol this weekend... I found out that my aunt's death was due to a drunk driver on the wrong side of the interstate going 80 mph.
I've always had a high level of dislike for people who are too stupid to make plans when they go out drinking to have a driver or a cab or something. Now it's turned to outright hate. If I ever hear that you've driven drunk... I don't think you'll recover from how much respect you'll lose from me.
One thing happened this past week though. My insomnia went away. I was talking to my two best friends late last week and the next night... poof I slept... a lot. My depression and stress don't control me anymore. They helped me through that. How? They know me. Now I had a lot of friends offer their time if I needed to talk to someone. I appreciate the offer but... I needed to go with people that knew me front and back. I have several friends who think they know me well, but they really don't. Some think I have a major problem with confrontation (even telling my staff that... who quickly learned differently). Some think I absolutely hate dogs... No I just don't have enough experience to effectively take care of one by myself, I know how cats think, I've been around them my whole life. If you can't get the basic stuff right, then you'll never understand me well enough for me to confide in you.
My best friends, especially these two in particular have known me for years. Both instances, it's almost blind luck that brought us into each others' lives. I went to college with one, we were both in the trombone section (I also met another best friend in that section... cool). We hardly ever talked while we were in school. It wasn't until she transferred out that we started talking. I got bored and wanted someone to talk to and she was online at the time so I figured, why not. Thus was born one of the strongest friendships I've known.
As for the other trombone player, that friendship went through hell and had to be completely torn down and rebuilt, I mention this because that's the exact same thing that happened to the other friend I talked to last week.
She's actually my ex. While I try to remain friends with my previous girlfriends... it's really only worked once before, and one is still trying to make it work now... we'll see. But when she and I first met, it was through work, and we just started talking and just clicked. We had fun working together, we joked around while she was away visiting family for the holidays, and we spent a whole day just sitting in my van talking simply because we had nowhere else we really wanted to be. We started dating not long after that and in reality... It was probably one of the better relationships I've had at first. We had lots of good times together. Well when things happened here that made her have to decide if she should remain or go back to be with her family, I knew the only option was to let her go. It would mostly likely end the relationship, but sometimes you've got to let the bird out of the cage... their feathers are just too bright. What happened between when we made the decision and when she left caused a lot of pain. Left huge gaping wounds... I was completely demolished over it. I didn't think we'd recover, no matter how forgiving I was...
Yet here we are. We both took the time to let each other breathe for a bit. We came back and started talking again... and we've finally rebuilt that friendship to the level it was before we started dating. Ironically, the first friend I talked about was very helpful in pushing me to try this 2nd one out again.
Why am I writing this blog? One, because I want it in writing explaining how much these people mean to me. Two. I want people to realize why my attitude towards drinking and driving might seem... strict. and Three: because this goes to say, no matter what you're going through, if you have people in your life who will truly sacrifice for you, you'll make it through every dark chapter. Even when it seems hopeless, like the darkness will never go away. People who care and love you... they'll help you get through the darkest parts just before the dawn.
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