Lately I've been extremely depressed. At one point even borderline suicidal. Some people would probably chalk it up to losing my store and working in Garner again, but they'd only be half correct.
I worked a month straight without a day off. I've had a knee injury so I can't go up and down stairs and all my stuff that I enjoyed doing after work was downstairs. So I returned to my work/sleep rotation and did nothing else with my life. Now I've hit my 5 year mark with Casey's, and it hit me that this stupid job is turning into my career. You know what that feels like? One of my previous coworkers, I don't remember which one (5 years is a lot of coworkers in Casey's world) once told me that a customer came up to them and told them, "you look like a lifer," implying that they were going to be working for Casey's forever. I understand this feeling now.
In light of this, I started talking to my closest friends. I've told them about my feelings in this regard and they've given me some wonderful ideas. A change is needed, now whether that's as big as moving to CB and starting a new life there, or something as simple as setting up a podcast (as long as ninjo is my cohost hehe) that will have to be decided.
Right now I'm refocusing and looking at either finally starting my youtube (or twitch) channel, or doing the blog/podcast. (Incidentally, my blog is one of the ones you can see here and It's already in its creation phase). Either way, eventually, I'm going to do both. Now I'll still do the sign language thing and keep working on the act, but this is much faster and will give me experience faster.
I guess I'm writing this blog to thank my friends. I don't think any of you read this thing, but it's really helped. I'd name off names but as I think, almost all of your names start with J... weird... I used to hate people whose names started with J... but that's a paranoid quirk for another time. But I do guess one starts with N... but I digress. You all know who you are, you've been there when I've come to you seeking aid, whether I've used it or not... who knows. But you were all there for me when I needed you, even if it was just for a chat. I love you all.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
From the Ashes
Yesterday, my father had a sermon that discussed that we might make mistakes, but that this is part of life. He referenced the scripture where Jesus asked Peter 3 times if Peter loved Jesus. This is often seen by Christian scholars as a means to balance or undo the three denials Peter made just before Jesus died on the cross. This one hit me hard. I've been feeling useless lately and that I am nothing but my past mistakes, which is part of the rut I've been in for so long. Now I see something else. I feel a drive I haven't known before. It makes me want to finally do something.
As many of you know, my store is being shut down. It's nothing to do with us, the building is in bad shape and my store lacks a kitchen to make that pizza for which Casey's is apparently famous. So it wasn't that we were losing money or anything like that. The company is building a new store on the highway which will be a massive O style. These are the 2nd biggest stores Casey's has, and the biggest floor plan they use is only used by one store. However, with this switch out comes bad news for me. I am not going to be managing the new store. Instead they have offered me a position with a significant cut in pay at my old store in Garner.
Now Garner isn't a bad store, and the cut in pay is due to the relative lack of stress. I won't have to deal with half the drama I do now and I'll actually be able to relax when I'm not at work. But this leaves me empty. I'm not going anywhere I want to go, so maybe it's time to go where I want.
I've been poking around the idea of going back to school for some time now. I've been debating what I really want to do, what can I do, for how long, etc. And I have a kind of plan...ish. Now I don't want to go into details here, but it would have to take a lot out of me, especially still working at Casey's. But I also need to prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was when I left Morningside 6 years ago.
To that end, I have challenged myself. I have several physics, chemistry, and calculus textbooks, as well as various practice problems. In order to prove to myself that I've changed, and that I'm not the lazy kid I was then, I will complete one section in both the text and the practice problem to the very best of my ability per day. It will run as a cycle among those three subjects. I will do this for at least one month before taking a break. Weekends are optional, but it wouldn't hurt. This way I've also helped review some concepts and flexed some mental muscles I haven't used in years.
I state this here for several reasons. One is to declare my intent. One is to call out for support and people to push me. And finally, I want to mark this point as the turning point in my life. Yes I will still pursue additional interests, hobbies, and goals that I've talked to many of you about, but I will focus on this one. From the ashes of this stagnant life will rise something better. A life I can look back on and be proud of.
And here.......we.........go.........
As many of you know, my store is being shut down. It's nothing to do with us, the building is in bad shape and my store lacks a kitchen to make that pizza for which Casey's is apparently famous. So it wasn't that we were losing money or anything like that. The company is building a new store on the highway which will be a massive O style. These are the 2nd biggest stores Casey's has, and the biggest floor plan they use is only used by one store. However, with this switch out comes bad news for me. I am not going to be managing the new store. Instead they have offered me a position with a significant cut in pay at my old store in Garner.
Now Garner isn't a bad store, and the cut in pay is due to the relative lack of stress. I won't have to deal with half the drama I do now and I'll actually be able to relax when I'm not at work. But this leaves me empty. I'm not going anywhere I want to go, so maybe it's time to go where I want.
I've been poking around the idea of going back to school for some time now. I've been debating what I really want to do, what can I do, for how long, etc. And I have a kind of plan...ish. Now I don't want to go into details here, but it would have to take a lot out of me, especially still working at Casey's. But I also need to prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was when I left Morningside 6 years ago.
To that end, I have challenged myself. I have several physics, chemistry, and calculus textbooks, as well as various practice problems. In order to prove to myself that I've changed, and that I'm not the lazy kid I was then, I will complete one section in both the text and the practice problem to the very best of my ability per day. It will run as a cycle among those three subjects. I will do this for at least one month before taking a break. Weekends are optional, but it wouldn't hurt. This way I've also helped review some concepts and flexed some mental muscles I haven't used in years.
I state this here for several reasons. One is to declare my intent. One is to call out for support and people to push me. And finally, I want to mark this point as the turning point in my life. Yes I will still pursue additional interests, hobbies, and goals that I've talked to many of you about, but I will focus on this one. From the ashes of this stagnant life will rise something better. A life I can look back on and be proud of.
And here.......we.........go.........
Friday, June 26, 2015
Roy G. Biv
Today is June 26th. I'm sure many people will see this as a holiday, some will see it as the day the world ended. Many will also see it as their anniversary. I have written so many blogs on these and on facebook explaining how these rights need to be granted. Today, the supreme court decreed that same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states. I feel as though a fifty pound weight has been lifted, and I'm not even affected by this ruling. Well maybe I am, I get to see so many of my friends so much happier now that their marriage is recognized.
I know this is a short one but I just want to voice my jubilation on this day.
Now I may breathe. America is the land of the free again.
I know this is a short one but I just want to voice my jubilation on this day.
Now I may breathe. America is the land of the free again.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Opening Pandora's Box Worked for Kratos
Things have been getting easier and harder at the same time... if that's even possible. My job is somewhat secure, it helps that the golden boy manager from another town I was always being compared to is now leaving because he can't handle the pressure. Yeah... you SURE you want me to be just like him?
Then there's the other stuff, stuff in my personal life. It's getting harder and harder to keep myself in check. I've spoken to maybe one or two of my friends on this matter... it's just hard to pull from that box, but keep it sealed at the same time. And several days ago, I had to. I would never forgive myself if I let my own selfish insecurities hinder me when I was needed. But it feels like the box is open now... and now I feel like I'm drowning. I can't disappear, it would be devastating... but it hurts every time now... I want to scream.
The worst part is, I feel some of my goals to get attached to the situation. I feel like I'm striving for my goals, not because they're what is important for me, but because it will help with that situation. When the inevitable comes (as it always does) I'm going to be stuck feeling like an empty shell, where the only emotion I feel is pain, and no desire to reach any of my goals. Trust me, it's what happened last time.
...Then I saw Rise of the Sea Urchins.
This is an indie film made by local area people, including two of my former employees (although I only consider one because the other was here for a week after I took over the store). Let me tell you something... it's pretty bad. I've seen worse movies, but this one beats them just by a hair. As I was watching it and tearing it to pieces, I remembered something my mother read to me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. We had shown my elementary school play to my cousins, and they rejoiced when I finally forgot a line (I had one of the two leads...) and she thought I was absolutely devastated by their comments... which I actually wasn't. So she read this to me:
Then there's the other stuff, stuff in my personal life. It's getting harder and harder to keep myself in check. I've spoken to maybe one or two of my friends on this matter... it's just hard to pull from that box, but keep it sealed at the same time. And several days ago, I had to. I would never forgive myself if I let my own selfish insecurities hinder me when I was needed. But it feels like the box is open now... and now I feel like I'm drowning. I can't disappear, it would be devastating... but it hurts every time now... I want to scream.
The worst part is, I feel some of my goals to get attached to the situation. I feel like I'm striving for my goals, not because they're what is important for me, but because it will help with that situation. When the inevitable comes (as it always does) I'm going to be stuck feeling like an empty shell, where the only emotion I feel is pain, and no desire to reach any of my goals. Trust me, it's what happened last time.
...Then I saw Rise of the Sea Urchins.
This is an indie film made by local area people, including two of my former employees (although I only consider one because the other was here for a week after I took over the store). Let me tell you something... it's pretty bad. I've seen worse movies, but this one beats them just by a hair. As I was watching it and tearing it to pieces, I remembered something my mother read to me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. We had shown my elementary school play to my cousins, and they rejoiced when I finally forgot a line (I had one of the two leads...) and she thought I was absolutely devastated by their comments... which I actually wasn't. So she read this to me:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
--Theodore Roosevelt
It hit me that these people had a vision. They took a chance and they went for it. I for one applaud them for their bravery and persistence of vision. I take inspiration from that. And from there, I know that my goals aren't going to be met by me trying to impress someone or show off, they're going to be met by my own desire to see them fulfilled. From that... I draw strength. I know that this situation won't be easy, but I will persist to be the person I am... because I am proud of that part of me. There is nothing that can change that for me.
My name is Luke James Evans. I am 28 years old. I run a tiny gas station in a small town that thinks it's a city. This is who I am, but it is NOT all I have to offer.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Crack the Shell
What the hell is happening to me? I keep slipping farther and farther. This whole weekend has been one giant spiral downwards. So I started with some video games... that didn't work... so next some movies... I've been on a huge marvel kick lately so I had a marvel movie marathon... that didn't help. I tried talking to friends... but thE ones that don't ignore me are proving to be insufficient.
I'm not sure where I'm at. It's weird how it can feel like the whole cosmos is stacked against you... I guess I am trying to find a window but yet...
I know there are people whose lives are worse than mine. But thinking about that makes things worse! All I feel is suffering. I help as many as I can through it, but I can't seem to open up to them when it's time. I have trust issues. In my defense, I have plenty of reasons to...
I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like an empty shell. Like I'm trapped in this shell... in this life. I want out, I need to destroy this shell... and be set free... God help me
I'm not sure where I'm at. It's weird how it can feel like the whole cosmos is stacked against you... I guess I am trying to find a window but yet...
I know there are people whose lives are worse than mine. But thinking about that makes things worse! All I feel is suffering. I help as many as I can through it, but I can't seem to open up to them when it's time. I have trust issues. In my defense, I have plenty of reasons to...
I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like an empty shell. Like I'm trapped in this shell... in this life. I want out, I need to destroy this shell... and be set free... God help me
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
The Universe
This one is going to be horribly unstructured... which coming from me says a lot.
As we approach black Friday, I ask that we keep a few things in mind that we forget so often. I want us to remember that each person there, customer or cashier, is a human being. They have laughed, they have cried. Many have loved, many have lost. They each have their own hopes and dreams, fears and regrets. I've noticed that people who never have anything mean to say will go ballistic on employees of stores they go to. Why? Because people think employees who work in customer service can't do anything about it. It's a power thing. They make demands or have little demeaning comments about these poor employees because if the employee stands up for themselves, they will have angered a customer and will get fired. This mentality is basically like running a foot race against someone in a coma, you do it because you know you'll win.
Lately an old adversary has come back in to my life. He was kind of a rival for the affections of a woman I used to date, but he threw away his chance and since that day, we've been at odds. The stupid thing about the whole situation is that I'm not even with her anymore. I wondered if he recognized me, or if the drugs had completely rotted his brain, but I'm beginning to think he does. He seems to delight in dropping in and trying to cause some kind of chaos in my store. Last time he came in talking to the person he was with about his ex... I apparently have more willpower than I realized... in fact, if she and I were still dating, I'd have lost it. Whether or not he recognizes me, he seems to delight in bringing hell into my store... just don't fuck with my staff... it won't end well for you.
People like this deserve a special place in hell. They fail to see other people as... well... people. They judge those around them, yet do not know their story at all. Hell some people think I'm some kind of stupid idiot because I don't have a bachelor's. Ummm... for that logic to work out, You'd basically have to say you were simply adequate. Nothing special there. Moron. But we only see our own little insignificant world. We don't see the meta picture. We don't see how our lives collide and intersect with one another. Random occurrences that save lives. In the last year I've been blessed with apparently twice saving someone. One time, it was a mistaken phone number, and through texts, I managed to make someone feel worthwhile enough to live on for a little while longer. Another time I had a customer come up and tell me something truly remarkable.
I pride myself in knowing my customers. My dedicated regulars are some of the only social interaction I get. I love seeing most of them. I take a great deal of pride in having their brand of cigarette or can of chew sitting next to my register before they get to me. I had one come in and told me that she had just received a promotion at her new job after only having been there for 9 months and it was because of me. When I asked what she was talking about she told me this: About a year ago, she was not doing well. Her fiance had been cheating on her, she had gotten fired, and a string of bad luck made her feel invisible. Then she came in for some much needed cigarettes and I had her brand ready for her. She said when she asked me how I knew, I told her that she's my customer and that made it important. So she refused to give up and didn't move in with her parents, and now things look up.
We don't realize how big or small our impact may be on someone. Encounters I've had with people the past few days and the loss of 4 people in my life (I'm sure many of you are aware of some of them), plus this recent news of a local death that really hits hard after all this... It's made me reevaluate who I am. I've been exercising regularly, and I've done pretty good. I have tried to give up energy drinks (although I did have a relapse this weekend, SORRY). I have been altering my image, getting more professional clothes, a hair cut, and I'll probably bring back the clean shaven look. I got a new coat this weekend. It's a much dressier coat than my old leather one... and I just feel empowered when I wear it. I feel like I matter. I'm working hard to move in to my house mainly so I can come home to my cats again. People wonder why I'm so fond of those three little hair balls, well... despite almost all of my friendships failing, Nearly all my romances ending with betrayal, it's nice to have something there that you know enjoys you being there all the time, every time. I've started reading my philosophy and ethics books again. Started reading my church history and studies on the Bible again. I have brought out my old music books and started analyzing them, Even started writing a little music again. Heck, I've also looked through my old physics books. Why am I doing these things?
I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. People say I'm doing this to increase my odds of meeting someone. Hey if that happens, cool bonus, but the fact of the matter is, I want to matter more to myself. I sold my soul to Casey's. I want it back and I'm not settling until I've won it back and made it the best.
I am but a lone speck in the universe, but I will be the best speck I can!
As we approach black Friday, I ask that we keep a few things in mind that we forget so often. I want us to remember that each person there, customer or cashier, is a human being. They have laughed, they have cried. Many have loved, many have lost. They each have their own hopes and dreams, fears and regrets. I've noticed that people who never have anything mean to say will go ballistic on employees of stores they go to. Why? Because people think employees who work in customer service can't do anything about it. It's a power thing. They make demands or have little demeaning comments about these poor employees because if the employee stands up for themselves, they will have angered a customer and will get fired. This mentality is basically like running a foot race against someone in a coma, you do it because you know you'll win.
Lately an old adversary has come back in to my life. He was kind of a rival for the affections of a woman I used to date, but he threw away his chance and since that day, we've been at odds. The stupid thing about the whole situation is that I'm not even with her anymore. I wondered if he recognized me, or if the drugs had completely rotted his brain, but I'm beginning to think he does. He seems to delight in dropping in and trying to cause some kind of chaos in my store. Last time he came in talking to the person he was with about his ex... I apparently have more willpower than I realized... in fact, if she and I were still dating, I'd have lost it. Whether or not he recognizes me, he seems to delight in bringing hell into my store... just don't fuck with my staff... it won't end well for you.
People like this deserve a special place in hell. They fail to see other people as... well... people. They judge those around them, yet do not know their story at all. Hell some people think I'm some kind of stupid idiot because I don't have a bachelor's. Ummm... for that logic to work out, You'd basically have to say you were simply adequate. Nothing special there. Moron. But we only see our own little insignificant world. We don't see the meta picture. We don't see how our lives collide and intersect with one another. Random occurrences that save lives. In the last year I've been blessed with apparently twice saving someone. One time, it was a mistaken phone number, and through texts, I managed to make someone feel worthwhile enough to live on for a little while longer. Another time I had a customer come up and tell me something truly remarkable.
I pride myself in knowing my customers. My dedicated regulars are some of the only social interaction I get. I love seeing most of them. I take a great deal of pride in having their brand of cigarette or can of chew sitting next to my register before they get to me. I had one come in and told me that she had just received a promotion at her new job after only having been there for 9 months and it was because of me. When I asked what she was talking about she told me this: About a year ago, she was not doing well. Her fiance had been cheating on her, she had gotten fired, and a string of bad luck made her feel invisible. Then she came in for some much needed cigarettes and I had her brand ready for her. She said when she asked me how I knew, I told her that she's my customer and that made it important. So she refused to give up and didn't move in with her parents, and now things look up.
We don't realize how big or small our impact may be on someone. Encounters I've had with people the past few days and the loss of 4 people in my life (I'm sure many of you are aware of some of them), plus this recent news of a local death that really hits hard after all this... It's made me reevaluate who I am. I've been exercising regularly, and I've done pretty good. I have tried to give up energy drinks (although I did have a relapse this weekend, SORRY). I have been altering my image, getting more professional clothes, a hair cut, and I'll probably bring back the clean shaven look. I got a new coat this weekend. It's a much dressier coat than my old leather one... and I just feel empowered when I wear it. I feel like I matter. I'm working hard to move in to my house mainly so I can come home to my cats again. People wonder why I'm so fond of those three little hair balls, well... despite almost all of my friendships failing, Nearly all my romances ending with betrayal, it's nice to have something there that you know enjoys you being there all the time, every time. I've started reading my philosophy and ethics books again. Started reading my church history and studies on the Bible again. I have brought out my old music books and started analyzing them, Even started writing a little music again. Heck, I've also looked through my old physics books. Why am I doing these things?
I want to look in the mirror and be proud of who I am, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. People say I'm doing this to increase my odds of meeting someone. Hey if that happens, cool bonus, but the fact of the matter is, I want to matter more to myself. I sold my soul to Casey's. I want it back and I'm not settling until I've won it back and made it the best.
I am but a lone speck in the universe, but I will be the best speck I can!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Before the Dawn
This past week was awful. Between the deer and my aunt dying and then a bunch of shit happening at work, I was done. I was even planning on getting completely hammered Friday night. However... I didn't. Drinking isn't me anymore... it really wasn't me before. I wound up just taking a nap and then doing some drawing and talked to some friends. I am also very glad I didn't drink any alcohol this weekend... I found out that my aunt's death was due to a drunk driver on the wrong side of the interstate going 80 mph.
I've always had a high level of dislike for people who are too stupid to make plans when they go out drinking to have a driver or a cab or something. Now it's turned to outright hate. If I ever hear that you've driven drunk... I don't think you'll recover from how much respect you'll lose from me.
One thing happened this past week though. My insomnia went away. I was talking to my two best friends late last week and the next night... poof I slept... a lot. My depression and stress don't control me anymore. They helped me through that. How? They know me. Now I had a lot of friends offer their time if I needed to talk to someone. I appreciate the offer but... I needed to go with people that knew me front and back. I have several friends who think they know me well, but they really don't. Some think I have a major problem with confrontation (even telling my staff that... who quickly learned differently). Some think I absolutely hate dogs... No I just don't have enough experience to effectively take care of one by myself, I know how cats think, I've been around them my whole life. If you can't get the basic stuff right, then you'll never understand me well enough for me to confide in you.
My best friends, especially these two in particular have known me for years. Both instances, it's almost blind luck that brought us into each others' lives. I went to college with one, we were both in the trombone section (I also met another best friend in that section... cool). We hardly ever talked while we were in school. It wasn't until she transferred out that we started talking. I got bored and wanted someone to talk to and she was online at the time so I figured, why not. Thus was born one of the strongest friendships I've known.
As for the other trombone player, that friendship went through hell and had to be completely torn down and rebuilt, I mention this because that's the exact same thing that happened to the other friend I talked to last week.
She's actually my ex. While I try to remain friends with my previous girlfriends... it's really only worked once before, and one is still trying to make it work now... we'll see. But when she and I first met, it was through work, and we just started talking and just clicked. We had fun working together, we joked around while she was away visiting family for the holidays, and we spent a whole day just sitting in my van talking simply because we had nowhere else we really wanted to be. We started dating not long after that and in reality... It was probably one of the better relationships I've had at first. We had lots of good times together. Well when things happened here that made her have to decide if she should remain or go back to be with her family, I knew the only option was to let her go. It would mostly likely end the relationship, but sometimes you've got to let the bird out of the cage... their feathers are just too bright. What happened between when we made the decision and when she left caused a lot of pain. Left huge gaping wounds... I was completely demolished over it. I didn't think we'd recover, no matter how forgiving I was...
Yet here we are. We both took the time to let each other breathe for a bit. We came back and started talking again... and we've finally rebuilt that friendship to the level it was before we started dating. Ironically, the first friend I talked about was very helpful in pushing me to try this 2nd one out again.
Why am I writing this blog? One, because I want it in writing explaining how much these people mean to me. Two. I want people to realize why my attitude towards drinking and driving might seem... strict. and Three: because this goes to say, no matter what you're going through, if you have people in your life who will truly sacrifice for you, you'll make it through every dark chapter. Even when it seems hopeless, like the darkness will never go away. People who care and love you... they'll help you get through the darkest parts just before the dawn.
I've always had a high level of dislike for people who are too stupid to make plans when they go out drinking to have a driver or a cab or something. Now it's turned to outright hate. If I ever hear that you've driven drunk... I don't think you'll recover from how much respect you'll lose from me.
One thing happened this past week though. My insomnia went away. I was talking to my two best friends late last week and the next night... poof I slept... a lot. My depression and stress don't control me anymore. They helped me through that. How? They know me. Now I had a lot of friends offer their time if I needed to talk to someone. I appreciate the offer but... I needed to go with people that knew me front and back. I have several friends who think they know me well, but they really don't. Some think I have a major problem with confrontation (even telling my staff that... who quickly learned differently). Some think I absolutely hate dogs... No I just don't have enough experience to effectively take care of one by myself, I know how cats think, I've been around them my whole life. If you can't get the basic stuff right, then you'll never understand me well enough for me to confide in you.
My best friends, especially these two in particular have known me for years. Both instances, it's almost blind luck that brought us into each others' lives. I went to college with one, we were both in the trombone section (I also met another best friend in that section... cool). We hardly ever talked while we were in school. It wasn't until she transferred out that we started talking. I got bored and wanted someone to talk to and she was online at the time so I figured, why not. Thus was born one of the strongest friendships I've known.
As for the other trombone player, that friendship went through hell and had to be completely torn down and rebuilt, I mention this because that's the exact same thing that happened to the other friend I talked to last week.
She's actually my ex. While I try to remain friends with my previous girlfriends... it's really only worked once before, and one is still trying to make it work now... we'll see. But when she and I first met, it was through work, and we just started talking and just clicked. We had fun working together, we joked around while she was away visiting family for the holidays, and we spent a whole day just sitting in my van talking simply because we had nowhere else we really wanted to be. We started dating not long after that and in reality... It was probably one of the better relationships I've had at first. We had lots of good times together. Well when things happened here that made her have to decide if she should remain or go back to be with her family, I knew the only option was to let her go. It would mostly likely end the relationship, but sometimes you've got to let the bird out of the cage... their feathers are just too bright. What happened between when we made the decision and when she left caused a lot of pain. Left huge gaping wounds... I was completely demolished over it. I didn't think we'd recover, no matter how forgiving I was...
Yet here we are. We both took the time to let each other breathe for a bit. We came back and started talking again... and we've finally rebuilt that friendship to the level it was before we started dating. Ironically, the first friend I talked about was very helpful in pushing me to try this 2nd one out again.
Why am I writing this blog? One, because I want it in writing explaining how much these people mean to me. Two. I want people to realize why my attitude towards drinking and driving might seem... strict. and Three: because this goes to say, no matter what you're going through, if you have people in your life who will truly sacrifice for you, you'll make it through every dark chapter. Even when it seems hopeless, like the darkness will never go away. People who care and love you... they'll help you get through the darkest parts just before the dawn.
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