WTF Am I Doing!?!?!?!?

Where am I going?
What the hell am I doing?
I can't do this...

My funds are nowhere near where I'd need them to be to go back to school.  I'm out of my league here, I don't have the time... I don't know if I can do this.

Maybe that will be what's different this time.  I won't take it for granted.  Last time I went to college, I basically just assumed I would get the degree and didn't think I had to work overly hard at it.  Well those of you who are going for or have earned degrees know that this is the farthest thing from the truth.  With an appreciation of the degree comes a respect for it.  With that respect comes a sense of preparedness.  But am I ever going to be truly prepared?

I haven't been on here in a while.  Work is taking it out of me.  My boss has no freaking clue how to schedule people so I wind up working at least once or twice each shift every week.  I don't mind getting up early (well not much) or not getting to bed late.  What I do mind is working the morning one day, then night the next, followed by another morning, then an overnight, followed by a donut shift, followed by an overnight.  The constant shift switching is killing me.  I have to get out.  The best way to do that is with an education.

As many of you know (or rather the one person who will read this... hi, Amanda), I've given up continuing with my music degree.  There just isn't as strong a future in it as there is in math.  Right now it's a debate between teaching math (and physics?) or actuarial sciences (Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly).  I'm really strongly leaning toward teaching, despite the obvious difference in salaries.  Actuaries make a crap ton of money, but I need something more meaningful than money.  I've lived this far on not even 9 bucks an hour, salary is a mute point.  I want to inspire people, this has always been my goal.  It's what I wanted with my music, it's what I wanted to do with my writing.  It's what I've always wanted to do.  I guess I owe that to some of the teachers I had when I was in school.

Where do I want to go?  If I had the resources (and hadn't completely messed up my chances with past mistakes), I'd want to get my degree in teaching math and physics.  Move to a hospitable area (Wyoming looks interesting).  Finally, actually teach my students.  Some friends have asked me if I would want to get my master's, perhaps take over some administrative duties of the school.  I honestly do not know right now.  So for this stage of my life... let's just focus on getting my degree and landing a job.

Here goes nothing...