Well Amanda is living in Arizona now. I'm just sitting here wishing I had gone with. For those of you who don't know and care (I doubt there are any) I am going to be going back to school. Hopefully this fall, but we'll see. Believe it or not, it's in a completely different field. Oh don't worry, I'll still write music every now and then, but I'm going into one of two areas, medical laboratory or forensic science. There's just something that appeals to me about using lab equipment to figure out puzzles. Both of these careers also help others. I would actually be making a difference. This would definitely beat Casey's...
I know I've jumped around a lot, but it's just... ever since that kid at fareway 3 years ago, I haven't been able to shake my feelings of inadequacy... I feel like I am not living up to my life. I was told at my grandmother's funeral that the best thing I can do is live a life that would make her proud... I have not done that. Not at all...
One of my favorite phrases that I actually did come up with myself is "Live your life the way you want your wikipedia article to read." I have always felt like I am meant for a greater existence than this...
So I'm in the running for the kitchen manager at Casey's. I'm not sure if I'll accept it if I get it. I mean it's definitely a step up from bottom rung... but they want me on call 24/7. Yes it's a 24 hour store but... I don't think I'll be able to go to school... but I need the money and I... I wish Amanda was here. I could get a giant hug and know that everything will be fine in the end. But as it is... I'm trying to do what's best for me, I just have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I want more, and it seems Casey's is in my way... so what the hell do I do? I need a road map. Sigh... kid, I might be meant for more... but I can't seem to get there since I fucked up my chance. I'm such an idiot... I just... I want an absolute answer. But that is impossible.
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