Yesterday, my father had a sermon that discussed that we might make mistakes, but that this is part of life. He referenced the scripture where Jesus asked Peter 3 times if Peter loved Jesus. This is often seen by Christian scholars as a means to balance or undo the three denials Peter made just before Jesus died on the cross. This one hit me hard. I've been feeling useless lately and that I am nothing but my past mistakes, which is part of the rut I've been in for so long. Now I see something else. I feel a drive I haven't known before. It makes me want to finally do something.
As many of you know, my store is being shut down. It's nothing to do with us, the building is in bad shape and my store lacks a kitchen to make that pizza for which Casey's is apparently famous. So it wasn't that we were losing money or anything like that. The company is building a new store on the highway which will be a massive O style. These are the 2nd biggest stores Casey's has, and the biggest floor plan they use is only used by one store. However, with this switch out comes bad news for me. I am not going to be managing the new store. Instead they have offered me a position with a significant cut in pay at my old store in Garner.
Now Garner isn't a bad store, and the cut in pay is due to the relative lack of stress. I won't have to deal with half the drama I do now and I'll actually be able to relax when I'm not at work. But this leaves me empty. I'm not going anywhere I want to go, so maybe it's time to go where I want.
I've been poking around the idea of going back to school for some time now. I've been debating what I really want to do, what can I do, for how long, etc. And I have a kind of plan...ish. Now I don't want to go into details here, but it would have to take a lot out of me, especially still working at Casey's. But I also need to prove to myself that I'm not the same person I was when I left Morningside 6 years ago.
To that end, I have challenged myself. I have several physics, chemistry, and calculus textbooks, as well as various practice problems. In order to prove to myself that I've changed, and that I'm not the lazy kid I was then, I will complete one section in both the text and the practice problem to the very best of my ability per day. It will run as a cycle among those three subjects. I will do this for at least one month before taking a break. Weekends are optional, but it wouldn't hurt. This way I've also helped review some concepts and flexed some mental muscles I haven't used in years.
I state this here for several reasons. One is to declare my intent. One is to call out for support and people to push me. And finally, I want to mark this point as the turning point in my life. Yes I will still pursue additional interests, hobbies, and goals that I've talked to many of you about, but I will focus on this one. From the ashes of this stagnant life will rise something better. A life I can look back on and be proud of.
And here.......we.........go.........
