Not since 2011 have I had a year with so many changes in my life or plans for the future from Jan 1st to xmas.
That year, I was working for Mr. Money, felt that I would eventually move up and get my own Mr. Money in the future, but in the meantime, I was content to live in my trailer in Ames. Then EZPawn bought us... and after a lot of hassles with their way of doing things, I couldn't take it anymore and left... I floated around for a while before I finally found a new job working at the Casey's in Garner (where my parents moved to). Little did I know then that working there would have a HUGE impact on my life at least to this point.
If you went back to January 1st of 2013, told me I would not ever live in my house in Klemme, I would live in Forest City, that Amanda would move in with her aunt in Arizona, the two of us would break up, I'd be dating someone else and be happier, and I'd have my own store to worry about... I'd have called you nuts.
Yet here I am. I'm dating a woman named Amy (she's actually older than me for a change). She has 2 small boys age 8 and 4 (that's a new one for me). I actually get along really well with her mother (who'd have thought it). She actually interacts with my parents as though they were people instead of my parents (no woman has ever been able to do that). And scariest of all... I'm the introverted one. Let me repeat that, I'm the less outgoing one... run in fear folks.
Managing my own store is different than I could imagine. Your view on the whole company is different. You see how it is the first time you have to do a corrective action on an employee because some customer ran off with free gas. Some people think managers enjoy that... I don't. It's easily my least favorite part of the job. In fact supervising employees kinda sucks. I had it a little at the pawn shop, but that was small things. I can honestly say that I did not go into this job so I could "be the boss" and I'm thinking most managers are that way as well...
As I look back this year, and I see how I thought I had life figured out, then had it ripped apart, mixed up, and thrown in the street, I start to realize some things. I remember starting down a dark path, I was depressed... to a level I haven't been since my last year at M'side, and I was starting to get worse. Now those of you who know me best understand that if I'm feeling down, trying to get me to open up and saying things like "but I care about you, you can lean on me" like so many of my friends did, only makes me close up more. Now don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate that they were trying, but it wasn't working. A couple of my M'side friends tho... they knew me well enough and understood me completely.
One talked to me about the good ole' days. Sitting in the lounge eating pizza and watching The Simpsons. Most don't understand how much I enjoy that show. I have every season on dvd, (not the movie tho... can't find it on widescreen anywhere) I watch it almost every night, I even read into theological and philosophical implications on that show and watch many episodes with those ideas in mind. I am more dedicated to The Simpsons than I am to Star Trek. But if you sit in a lounge with some of your best friends with a couple pizzas sitting on the table and pop on the floor, laughing as though it was the first time you'd seen the episode, then having the conversation take a life of its own, you laughing so hard you're crying... you might have a glimpse into possibly understanding me. You can't recreate that, it just exists.
Another friend gave me a gift that I will cherish forever. She felt something was up before I put anything on facebook, before I mentioned anything, before anyone else knew. She told me she just got this feeling she needed to talk to me. You will never know what horrible shape I was in then. How low I was and just got a random text from her saying she had a feeling, like a sign from God, that she needed to talk to me. If ever I looked for a reason to believe in Him... I had it. She and her husband have supported me when it felt like so few have before. They've been a loyal and powerful part of my life. She talked to me and listened to me. Then a few days later, I got mail from her... Inside was a baby blue rosary. I can't explain it, but it felt like the beads themselves were almost charged with love and compassion. I'm not catholic, but there's something about that rosary... to this day it empowers me and drives me. I understand myself better now, and I have a clearer view of where I want my life to go... where He and I will walk together.
Now why did I take that little detour? I'm telling you all that life my begin to crumble, and your plans might fall apart. There are people who have had it way worse than I have had it, but love... that is the one thing on this earth that will survive anything. I believe that is where God is felt, in love. Remember that he gave us the gift of his son, the gift of free will, and the gift of love. You'll never find that on a black Friday sale. or under an evergreen tree. It is not wrapped with paper, but wrapped in your very soul.
Remember, God loves you, Jesus loves you, and I love you
Happy Holidays,
Luke
